A light-hearted kitchy look back at Journey and Steve Perry...
When in doubt, make fun of Bic lighter rock.
What do I mean by that? Does anyone remember back in the early 80s, when all of those classic AOR soft-rock bands were popular? Bands like Styx, REO Speedwagon, and of course, Journey.
The other night I saw this Journey DVD, and somehow that made me almost forget all of my problems. No, not in that way. The DVD made me forget my problems in a way that I started ragging out on the band itself.
I mean, first of all, the lead singer Steve Perry wins the award for the worst-dressed man in Rock. Actually, everyone in Journey needed the fashion police, but Steve Perry...yo. Like, there was one outfit that he wore in one of Journey's promotion videos...NA-huh. I guess back in the late 70s/early 80s, Journey was rocking out so hard they forgot to look in the mirror. Then again, Journey was probably making way too much money back in the day to even bother glancing in a mirror. They were classic rock cash cows. Hey, it happens.
Some very embarrassing pieces of trivia here folks. Back in the early 80s, Journey was actually considered cute. As in 16 Magazine material. As in Tiger Beat magazine. I kid you not. This was the days way before Duran Duran. Thank the gods that Duran Duran came on the scene. Anyhow, my very first rock concert ever was not something cool as in Blondie. No, my first concert was Journey over at Nassau Coliseum, Long Island, NY. Serious. I feel geeky even just talking about it. Yes, I had Journey's double platinum album Escape on vinyl. I made sure I got rid that that shred of evidence when I got into Goth/Punk Rock. No self-respecting Siouxsie clone had Journey in her record collection.
I didn't even have good seats at this concert. As a matter of fact, I sat next to Saint Anthony. That's how far back my seating was. The first and only time in my life I sat in the back row of a venue.
Well...since my reputation has already been trashed to high heaven, I might as go the whole nine years. Right before Duran Duran and Culture Club, I had a crush on Steve Perry. There! I've said it. I actually had a crush on Steve Perry. All right, go ahead and laugh. G'wan, you know you wanna. As a matter of fact, this omission is so embarrassing, I've decided to make this post "friends only".
Looking back, how I managed to think he was cute was even beyond me. He certainly wasn't the most photogenic. To prove, I have submitted some most disturbing pics as evidence. Ahh, Steve Perry in all his glory. I love a man who wears suspenders as he's wearing no shirt underneath. I adore a man who wears jeans so tight you can see outlines of his family jewels. I guess cocaine is one helluva drug.
I never bothered to keep up with Steve Perry, or the rest of the crew involved with Journey. I'm aware about Steve Perry releasing some solo albums. I also believe that there was this VH1 "Behind The Music" episode featuring Journey. However, by then I had already well moved on into Alternative pretentiousness. All I know is that Steve Perry is no longer performing with Journey, and he was replaced by some dude who used to work at The Gap.
More useless trivia: did you know that Randy Jackson, one of the judges from that most loathed TV program American Idol, played with Journey on one of their last tours? Yes boys and girls, this fact is true. He was also hit with the Journey curse. Back then, Randy Jackson couldn't dress for shit either. I submit more evidence, i.e., the "Raised On The Radio" tour.
Here's a recent photo of what Steve Perry looks like now. Now he looks like someone who can pass for my next door neighbor. Hell, he can pass for someone who does retail over at the local mall. Can't you see him working at some store with the name of "International Male"?
In all seriousness, Steve Perry was a good singer. He may not have that cool factor, but he was a good vocalist. Even if it is embarrassing to say I had a crush on him during my preteen years. Okay, now all of my cool points are now officially gone. In the meantime, I'll pretend that I'm wearing this mullet haircut, flicking my Bic lighter as I'm smoking bong hits from a Pabst beer can...